Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fifty-four lines

i do another line.
and another.
slow and steady and straight.
my days are numbered.
done.

that's what this line means.
i'm done.
finished.
and one step closer.

let me take another step,
do another line.

let me be where i can be understood
without speaking in tongues that aren't my own.

i'm frozen. lost.
the kerosene heater, this cup of green tea
do nothing to combat the sun, lost and crying behind the clouds
it's too late for the people around me
hearts closed, cold, and there are no lines for them.
none that will take them to where i'll be defrosting, reheating, baking.

each line i do takes me one step closer
if i keep telling myself that,
i might begin to believe it
the end is in sight
my days are numbered
all i have to do is keep telling myself it'll be okay
just 54 more lines...

... and i'll be in hawaii.
no, really.

i will be.

--------

Haven't updated in forever.

Flash update: I've been living in Japan since March 2010. I originally came here with my beloved @fobkoa, but due to some obstacles along the way, he is currently in Hawaii. With the help of some at home, I was able to get a ticket to go back to Hawaii for the holidays.

I will be there from December 21 - January 6 and plan to refresh myself. The place, the food and most importantly, the people ... I miss you all and while I don't know that I want to move back to Hawaii, being with you again will make this cold (physically and emotionally) and lonely time in Japan a little more worth it than it feels right now.

All I have to do is survive 54 days -- draw 54 lines through the numbered boxes on my calendar.

/chi.