Monday, November 03, 2008

Silence

Inevitably, when there's a long hiatus between postings, something's amiss. It's rare that I choose not to blog simply because nothing's happening. That's not how my life works. Something's ALWAYS happening, whether I like it or not.

Generally speaking, whether it be personal, professional, or whatever -- long breaks between blogging mean that something is happening that I can't really discuss in a public forum. Not necessarily "can't." Sometimes it's "won't." Other times, tis "not ready to."

This is all of those times. Actually, the past several months has been "one of those times" at every point along the way.

I won't go into detail. It's not always good to air one's dirty laundry. Let's just say that I'm really good at making mistakes when I should know better. I'm good at hurting people I care for, sometimes knowingly and sometimes not. As selfless as I like to think myself to be, I'm selfish. I want what I want -- and while I often will sacrifice my wants for the needs and wants of others... sometimes, enough's enough, and I take what I want for my own. Or, at least, I try to...

What do I want?

Heh. 自分自身も知りたいな~。

I guess the blanket answer to that question is happiness. Tis a cop out response, I know.

I guess happiness is pretty relative and certainly, I've been at lower lows. I just need to make a decision about how I want to achieve and/or receive the thing that I want. That happiness thing.

But I can I make the right decisions? Or should I just remain silent and see what comes?

/me.

P.S. Twitter is stupidly addicting. Check me out at http://www.twitter.com/monchalee

P.P.S. I came across a poem that I wrote on 05.22.06. It was in response to a poem that a friend of mine wrote about friendship. I shall post my friend's and then my response.

Friend's Poem: Oasis

Tired wanderer, scorching desert: Crying, burned, jaded, worn
Wounded heart, pain and hurt: Come to me, bruised and torn

Desert oasis, illusion not: Comfort, healing, mending, rest
Recover from life's battle's fought: Water clear, refreshing, zest

Friendship deep, forgiving, pure: Tested by life's desert heat
Standing strong, whole, and sure: Drink stranger, take a seat

Once a wanderer, now a friend: One more drop in the oasis
Will another come along: Different hearts, many faces

Oasis in the desert sands: Shelter from life's toughest wrath
Healing hearts, healing hands: Friendship found on journey's path

My Response: Mirage

A barren desert, hot and dry
With little life and shelter none
A stranger comes, wandering lost
Parched and baked by blazing sun
Sees shimmering water, blessed hope
Crawls toward the distance, cross the dunes
Reaches living, lush Oasis
Can't believe that this is true
Reaches down with dirty hands
To take a sip of cooling life
And finds, instead, a mouth of sand
A mirage -- an illusionary knife.

-----

I guess that says a lot about me and my experiences, huh? Oh well.

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