Saturday, May 31, 2008

Holding Back Dreams - Part III

My big baby brother is graduating from Punahou on Saturday and of course, the question of the moment is: "Where are you going for college?"

His dream? New York University

That's where I wanted to go. And that's where my littlest brother (now 16) wants to go.

I didn't go. I went to Mount Holyoke College and wasn't even allowed the opportunity to apply to NYU. In the end, MHC was fine and I met beautiful people that made the whole experience worth it.

But there has been a lot of drama within the family lately. Talks of unhappiness. Of suicide. I've always said my family was disfunctional. It's not empty of love. We all (most of us) love each other. But maybe with the exception of one person, who of course has her share of downs, there is not one of us who is happy.

Not my mom, dad, stepdad, grandparents, brothers. Not me.

And now it looks like my brother may not be going to NYU. The final decision has not been made -- but the outlook is grim. And why will he not be able to go?

Because of one person standing in the way.

And I watch as another person's dreams bite the dust.

/me.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Reading this stuff breaks my heart. If you need anything--even if it's just to vent--don't hesitate for a second to let me know. I mean it.

-Casey

Mark! said...

I know everyone's always trying to finally 'live in the moment!' and break free of 'waiting to go live their lives!' -

But I think that people also forget that when you're not planning on dying any time soon - you actually have the time to do things. There are MANY dreams that are never too late to chase.

We may make choices that sidetrack us for years, even decades, but that doesn't mean we have to actually 'give up' on a dream.

Especially when it's 'because' of 'someone' else - we make our own choices, we just choose whether or not we're willing to live with the consequences that other people try pull us down with - or with the consequences associated with finally breaking those chains - no matter the cost.

It's still our choice - and people forget that often times the hardest part about chasing a dream - is letting go of everything that's stopping you from starting. We can only blame people for 'trying' to stop us - but we're the ones who ultimately let them - it's not a bad choice, but it is still our own choice.

I will see you in May 2009.