Sunday, March 23, 2008

Lost Friendship

Yoshi came home on March 14 for his two weeks of R&R. We had originally intended to spend those two weeks in Japan, having me meet him half way, but the military is a changeable thing and couldn't give him absolute dates. Without those, planning on my side was impossible (or at least, very pricy) and we opted to just have him come home and hang out.

And hang out we have been. With as many of our friends (and acquaintances) as we can. Dinners. Karaoke (lots of this). Random talking story.

What has been hard with this is inevitably, people begin to feel left out and hurt because an invitation wasn't extended to them... but was extended to others they knew.

As many of you know with my get-togethers, it's usually a toss up with either everyone showing up or no one showing up.

Most recently, it was an (almost) everyone showing up situation. Only a handful of people were invited. Mostly my friends who are karaoke-going regulars and a small group outside of that were originally to come and were originally invited. Then because of circumstance and proximity and relevance to conversation, more people were invited. And people invited people. And the originally meant-to-be-small event wasn't that anymore.

And people who weren't invited caught wind because their friends were going. And got hurt. And angry. And all I can say is I'm sorry.

In the last several days, aside from having my car's rear windshield demolished by a car battery (a whole different story altogether), having that person who damaged my car continue to be a threat, getting hives (from what? I don't know), and now completely losing my voice... I have also been screamed at, accused of being full of b.s., and have ultimately lost a friend (maybe forever?)... someone who I care about tons, but no matter what happens, I seem to only continue to hurt.

This person said they gave up on our relationship. Gave up. And I don't know how to make it better. I don't think I can. No matter how much I care for that person and want them to be part of my life... no matter how much I enjoy their company and the memories we've made (the good ones mostly, the bad ones make me depressed as hell), I can't undo the hurt I've done.

Ever.

And so... I guess amongst all the craziness this week, I'm losing one of my closest friends. More than a friend, really. So, whether or not the person reads this, I wanted to at least say thank you for everything they've done for me. For the memories. For the sharing. For the teaching. Learning. Comfort. Laughs. Love. For taking care of me. For making me feel special. Beautiful. For everything small and big, good and bad, dumb, stupid, ridiculous, amazing, happy, sad. For being a part of my experience and letting me be a part of theirs.

I'm sad that it's ending like this. Ending at all. But I wish that person all the happiness and brightness and love this universe can give. Because that person deserves all that.

あなたの上に星が降りますように...

さようなら.

/me.