Friday, February 29, 2008

Lack

Greetings all,

Sorry I haven't been posting.

Really, I've wanted to. But I'm always faced with the "what can I write without hanging people out to dry" issue. I often want to say so much, but I don't feel it's appropriate for me to name names or make things obvious, especially when I have something negative to say.

And often, I blog because I have something negative to say.

Here's a super basic update of life.

Work: We might go on strike and I'm still having basically the same issues I was having before about getting along with my coworkers. I've basically decided there's not much I can do about the coworker issue. Certainly, there are people I work with whose company I enjoy. I'm going to try to focus on that, for if I didn't, surely I'd go crazy(er than I already am?).

But it's the strike I'm worried about. Last year, I was out of work for several months after I was forced to leave Lost. (Randomly, an update to the Lost story is that I heard the woman who fired me was also fired shortly thereafter. I hate to be petty, but I'd like to think karma bit her in the booty.) At the time, Yoshi had not worked in a month because he took time off before his deployment. This wasn't such a big deal when I was working, but when I wasn't and we were living off our savings, I was scared that we wouldn't make it.

Then I found this job at The Honolulu Advertiser. The pay is good for Hawaii (although I can think of a certain paralegal in DC who makes as much as I do for making copies). And the hours certainly weren't upwards of 14 a day, so it looked like I was going to have a life. I made my probation, started trying to build up my savings again, and just joined the Hawaii Newspaper Guild as is required of my position.

And now we might strike.

I really hope it doesn't come to that and it looks like the company is finally willing to talk to the Unions about other options, so that's positive. But man, I don't know that I can take another financial hit. Because I work in an online department, many of my immediate coworkers aren't very concerned because in the worst case scenario, they can go out and freelance.

With my skill set, I don't know that I can do that. Ah well, I guess I'll figure things out.

Personal: I'm still trying to lose my stubborn muffin tops. I am, indeed, winning the Muffin Wars to an extent. I've lost a total of 20 lbs and I've another 10 to lose before I'm satisfied. I've changed my diet considerably and I've continued to work out at 24 hour fitness. But honestly, I've been slacking on the working out. I was doing really well with going 3+ week at first, but since then, it seems that I come home too tired to do anything or my gym buddy, Rob, doesn't want to go because he's too tired from work. Hopefully, I can get back into the swing of things.

I don't know if it's because of stress or diet or whatever, but I've noticed that I've been really moody lately. If you've been a target of my moodiness, apologies, although I can't really be certain if I snapped because of my moodiness or because I was actually irritated but couldn't control myself. Often, I try not to let on to my irritation because I'm usually irked by something that cannot be changed or is unintentional, and thus not really worth the fuss. But lately, I haven't been able to hold my tongue very well. And my facial expressions easily display my annoyance.

It bothers me that I'm beginning to lose emotional self-control. With the exception of extremely emotional situations, I've always been able to hold myself a certain way while in public. I wonder if it's the lack of carbs in my diet. Ah well.

In other news, I want to take up fencing, art and singing again. But at the moment, life neither affords me the time or the money to do these things.

The art, one would think, would be no problem. But my beloved HP laptop on which I had planned to do the art has recently died... given me little options for digital art. Singing, of course, I can do at home, but certainly it isn't the same. (Although needless to say, I do sing in the shower.) And fencing... well, practice times are never when I need them to be and I'm pretty sure my blades have rusted. I'm not even sure if I can fit my jacket, knickers, or lame. Perhaps I should try those on.

Oh, and yesterday was my birthday. Thanks to all of you who sent me well-wishes. On the one hand, I was amazed at the number of people who messeged, texted, and called. But then I realize that they all have access to Facebook, Mixi, and MySpace... all of which offer reminders of people's special days and a quick button click to send one's love.

Thanks to Rumi-chan in Japan who called exactly at midnight (though I was sleeping and didn't answer). Thanks to Yoshi who called and woke me up and gave me a bday present that I didn't know was my bday gift which I accidentally opened in January. Thanks to Josh Borje for being the only one who wanted to go out to dinner. Thanks to Ian for inviting me out with his other friends, although I couldn't make it. Thanks to my coworkers who didn't know it was my bday but figured it out and got me a Hotwheels cake from Sam's club. And thanks to Eric for wishing me happy bday 3 bajillion times during the day. All of that meant a lot.

Somehow, despite all the love, I was still really depressed at the end of the night. I went to sleep at 11 and woke up through out the night to yell at Kira for misbehaving. I don't know why I was so blah.

Again, maybe it's the lack of carbs.

/me.