Thursday, September 27, 2007

Nightmares and New Starts

So, for the past several weeks, I haven't been sleeping well. Rather, I just haven't been well. Everything from random waves of nausea (generally in the evening) to troubled sleep to lack of motivation and antisocial behavior.

I guess the combination of Yoshi being gone, frustration in job searching, and a general frustration with myself, overall, has literally been keeping me awake at night. When I sleep, I sleep in short stints... waking up every 20 - 40 minutes or so. If I manage to sleep longer than that, my dreams are riddled with nightmares -- nightmares mostly about job searches gone wrong, failures, and death. Since I'm generally one who doesn't dream at night, dreaming at all can sometimes be exhausting. But dreams that just... are negative... well, let's just say it's been rough.

And my lack of sleep hasn't made me the best friend or the best family member. I've been irritable, antisocial, and generally blah. So, if I've slighted you at all in the past several weeks -- turned down invites, snapped at you, canceled, not answered calls (not that I'm good about answering calls anyway), not helped to celebrate -- I'm sorry. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be good company anyway.

Hopefully, though, things will change soon and I'll start sleeping better. Since my release from Lost, I've been living off my savings and off what Yoshi is making, now that he's in Kuwait. Lack of money is yet another reason why I've been MIA. I can't afford to live right now, let alone play. But today, I received a job offer and accepted.

I've been job searching for weeks and weeks. Went to a job fair. Went to countless interviews. Some for which I wasn't qualified. Some for companies that I didn't think deserved me. Some that would be great jobs, but paid next to nothing. A big issue for me has been pay. I swore that I wouldn't take any steps backward, paywise. And I didn't.

Starting next week Thursday-ish, after a drug clearance and some paperwork goes through, I will be the new Online Coordinator for The Honolulu Advertiser. I'm not sure of the nitty gritty, but it sounds as though I will be heading up the coordination for their online cars search engine via It will be my first job where I work semi-normal hours. A mere 37.5 hours per week, average! Considering that I'm used to working 60+ hours per week, this'll be nothing!

I'll probably walk to work everyday, which will help, I'm sure, with the self image thing.

And as for Yoshi, all I can do is make due with what little contact I have with him. I've been waking up at 4 am, each day, to chat with him for an hour. That's more than I was thinking we were going to get, so I'm grateful. We may also have the opportunity to see each other next year, assuming he gets leave. (By the way, if anyone wants to start going walking at 5 am-ish, let me know.)

So... things are looking up. Which is good, because I needed that.


1 comment:

Pete said...

Hey Love,
Congratulations on the job find. New employment can be a boost to ones overall morale.
I hope a good nights rest finds you soon.
Later, kitten.