Thursday, May 12, 2005


I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated when other people get what I want but I can't seem to get from the person who should be giving it to me. Does that make sense? Like, going out. Why is it that if I want to go out and do something, then that person doesn't want to. But if that person's coworkers or friends ask to do the same thing, then that person is game. Why is it that when it was my suggestion that we start doing something together, and then we buy the equipment to do it, that it only lasts a month or so. And I keep asking to do it. And it never happens. But that if some other person says, "hey, let's go do that", that person takes the equipment WE BOUGHT so that we could do things TOGETHER and goes with another person to do it! And then WHY doesn't that person understand that that HURTS me. Why does that person get irritated with me when I confront that person about it. a;skjfd arjahrelakejhrgl;kajetgl;kjarel;gkjal;ektg jla;kerjgt l;akerj ;lakejl;akejt l;akej l;akej

If I could RAGE, I would, sometimes. But it wouldn't get me anywhere. And in the end... I suck it up, because all I want is to be happy with what I have. I *am* happy. Just, not all the time. Which is normal. I just let the RAGE stay inside. And the only way it escapes is through TEARS. And that's it. Because that's all I can do. Just be happy. And I am. I just wish that sometimes, I could get what I want in this matter. Ya know? I dunno.


Military. Yoshi joined it. Hawaii Army National Guard. He shaved his head. I hate that. I love him and he's still cute... but I miss his hair. And he'll have that hair for the next 6 years. :( He has training 1 weekend out of every month and 2 weeks a year... PLUS he leaves for BASIC in January 2005 for 2 months and then will consecutively go for 6 - 8 months of specialized computer training. He'll be gone from me for 10 months!

Le sigh.

And I thought I was actually home again!

Break In

Two nights ago, someone tried to break into my house. But this story starts a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago, when I was home alone, I had a weird feeling. Of course, I ignored the feeling... and after a while, the feeling went away. I then realized I had to go pick up Yoshi from work. I opened the door, and walking away from my area of the property was this sketchy man who didn't seem to be coming from any other of the units on the property. He looked back at me, then hopped down the stairs and walked down the street. I 'd seen him before, but thought "eh, whatever, I live in a sheisty neighborhood" and continued on my merry way to see Yoshi. I told Yoshi about the whole deal and he, of course, was fairly apathetic. But when we got back to our place, and Yoshi tried to open the door, the doorknob CAME OFF! WTF!?

Anyway, we were a little bothered and I told the property manager, Paul, who said he'd fix the knob in a day or two. Didn't happen.

Then, comes 2 nights ago. Yoshi was gone, since he was working the overnight shift at Foodland, and I was home alone. I'd knocked out on the couch for a while, then woke up around midnight or so, to shut off the tv and lights and go to the bedroom. All was fine then. Then, at around 1:15 AM, I open my eyes with a start. I hear the DOORKNOB fall off and hit the ground! Because it's one of those ugly fake glass/crystal doorknobs, it makes a very distinct sound when it hits pavement. I then heard fiddling with the doorknob [as the bastard was probably trying to put the knob back ON in a panic] and footsteps padding away from my place. I, of course, was freaking out. I grabbed the nearest weapon, BLACK SHARPENED KATANA and searched for my cell phone. Of course, the average person would have probably called the police, but I didn't want to do that because I felt it would confirm for the intruder that there was a girl inside, who was probably alone. Shit. So I stood in the dark, sword in my hands and cell in my pocket. Stayed up most of the night... my spidey senses picking up on every possible sound. And a few hours later... the footsteps returned and then turned around and left again. During those random hours, I had set up booby traps and alarm systems, and basically confined myself to my bedroom, with my back to the far wall, facing the door, with sword in hand. Yoshi came home several hours later, with a funny feeling, and a surprised look when he saw me in the corner with a sword in my hand.

My doorknob still hasn't been fixed.

Kawaii Kon

A few weeks ago, went to Hawaii's first annual anime convention. Unfortunately, I couldn't go on Day 1, as I was working all day, couldn't make it on Day 2, because I was with family... but I finally decided that it'd be a complete waste not to go on Day 3. Of course, because of the person that I am, I decided that I *had* to go in costume-- and that going in one of my old costumes wouldnt cut it... so I scrounged around and pulled together a bullshit costume for a student from Battle Royale. I developed pictures but haven't had time to scan them as it's been crazy crazy busy at work. The only pic I have is a headshot that I took with my good for nothing webcam. See here:

Anyway, I convinced Kachan that she should come with... and Choochan [] was supposed to meet us there. She ended up coming uber late cuz she and her bf:Arvin decided that, despite their having left Ewa side late, that they were hungry, and stopped off on the way over to Ala Moana Hotel, to eat. Anyway, twas ok. Had some decent costumes... but definitely not enough vendors. And the few vendors that were there... make that ONE vendor that was there, was completely ripping people off. The bastards were trying to make anywhere from 3o0~600% PROFIT! Anyway, that was the Kawaii Kon. Wahoo.