Saturday, December 10, 2005

Future and Prayer

It's been forever, yet again, since I've last posted. 

So many things are happening around me. I am confused. I am happy. I am sad. I am lonely. I am hurt. I am content. I am patient. I am impatient.

I am waiting for Yoshi to come back to me.

And he will, one day. I am sure of it. Why am I so sure? 離れても手を繋いでいるから。I just don't know when that day will come. Will it be once he returns from training? He leaves in January and will return, maybe, in August or so. Will he return to me much after that? Will I have to wait for Revelyn to tire of him? Or he to tire of her?

Waiting is painful. Especially knowing that in the end, he may decide never to return. But if all goes as planned...

Anyway, until then, Yoshi...
あなたの上に星が降りますように。。。I for you.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Random Survey: Firsts & Lasts a la Kahele

So, in order to fill the void and pass the time, I 've taken to doing these stupid surveys. I stole this one from Kahelele.

Firsts and Lasts.

FIRSTS

First best friend: Lesli Otake at Mother Rice Pre-school. She went to Manoa Elem. with me, too, but then went to Punahou and USC. She currently lives in CA with her fiancee and works in the aero-space industry.

First Car: Black 2004 Jetta. Name: Kuro-chan. Bought jointly with Yoshi. Will be bought off of me when he gets back from Basic Training next year... then I have to get a new one, dammit.

First kiss: Uhm... 8th grade band party, spin the drumstick (as opposed to spin the bottle - hey, we were band geeks) with Paul Guzman, really buff tuba player. First kiss with someone "significant?" Daniel Kang in 9th grade.

First piercing/tattoo: First piercing was when when I was 3. Got my ears done back when the Kaheka Daiei was called Holiday Mart. My first (and so far, only) tattoo was after graduation in 2000. My then GF, Vanessa, paid for half of the damage.

First big trip: Big trip that I can remember? Maybe Disneyland when I was 6.

First flight: Probably to Thailand when I was 3 or maybe younger?

First time skiing/Snowboarding: Lake Tahoe when I was 5.

First concert: I went to see Whitney Houston with my mommy.

First Alcoholic Drink: I don't know? Probably something one of my parents gave me. My mommy, after all, used to be a bartender.

First ticket violation: Knock on wood. No tickets yet.

First job: I volunteered as a junior leader for Manoa Summer Fun when I was in 7th grade. If you mean first paid job, then maybe TCBY in 1999.

First date: Date is a funny word. I don't know if I've ever been on the as-seen-on-TV kind of dates... but maybe to see the movie "Up Close & Personal" at Kahala Mall with Randy Nguyen in 8th grade.

LASTS:

Last car ride: Taking Kira back home from the vet.

Last kiss: Tuesday morning. But it was one-sided and painful.

Last time you cried: Yesterday.

Last movie watched: Serenity, last night with Ka-chan and her friends. (Nerds, all. Interesting bunch.)

Last food you ate: Ice cream from Cold Stone.

Last love: Yoshi.

Last temptation: Wanting to have meaningless physical connection just to spite him.

Last item bought: Shots for Kira. She has one more set to go.

Last annoyance: Feeling intellectually lacking during a discussion of the apalling creative license taken in the field of technology in all the StarTrek series from The Next Generation on. I kid you not.

Last alcoholic drink: Some kind of grape calpis and vodka dealio at Shokudo with my sister?

Last concert: "Concert." The Makaha Sons' Take a Walk in the Country thing at the Shell, if you call that a concert.

Last phone call: My sister, Marisa.

Last time at the mall: A couple of nights ago, "power shopping" with my sister at Kahala.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Lyrics: "Everything Changes"

Here are the lyrics for my current music. The song is Everything Changes by Stain'd. It fits even better than any other song than I've had on here. I've been trying to come to terms with a bunch of different stuff, as you know...

Something I realized, though, which is written in my AIM profile (for those of you who know me on chat) and something which I told Yoshi this morning was...
"I've never been so broken and empty until I realized that you (him) could throw it all away."

Anyway, without further adieu, the lyrics for EVERYTHING CHANGES.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I'm the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
Because the wounds never heal.

But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
If I could learn how to feel... If we could

Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Confessions and such

It's 6 pm on a Saturday evening. I am sitting in the dark, in front of this computer, going in and out of pathetic sob fests.

Yoshi came over last night. We made spaghetti together and watched Ong Bak on DVD. It was the first time any cooking has been done in my house since he left me. The temperatures were blazing as outside, the leaves hung listlessly, waiting for even the slightest cooling breeze. It was so hot.

We cooked, chatted a little, and watched the video. And then he left to go pick up his younger sister, Adele, from her school. It would have all been a very normal evening, except that I couldn't tell him how I felt or touch him the way I wanted to. I can't. He's not mine anymore.

I've found out that despite what he says, he may as well be with Revelyn. I can't say that I'm surprised. He tells me, although begrudgingly, that he still loves me. And although he hasn't said it in so many words, that he misses me and that maybe he still thinks of me as his soulmate. And, perhaps like a fool, I believe him only because he's always told me he'd never lie to me. And because, of course, I want so much to believe that that's the way it is.

But, you know, when Revelyn became involved in our lives, he lied several times about his being with her. He snuck out twice, leaving me in the middle of the night, to be with her. The only reason I was sleeping on both nights was because he had spent the entire day with her and told me he was too tired to be up and spend time with me, so, thinking that it was the only way to spend time with HIM, I layed down next to him to sleep.

One night, I rushed home after work to be with him, only to find her here. Which, I suppose, were she just a friend, would have been fine. She told me that night that she had no intention of taking him away from me. As she told me those words, she looked away, and I thought to myself "If that's so... then why are you feeling guilty?" I said nothing.

You know, Yoshi has told many many people that I cheated on him. Maybe that makes what he's doing to me not as bad as if I hadn't. Perhaps I should tell the truth on this matter: When Yoshi and I first got together, I had left someone to be with him. That someone, Josh, well, I'd been with him for about 3 years. I actually broke up with him a few times, only to get back together with him. But anyway, Yoshi, feeling guilty and maybe a lot of pressure from the fact that I told him I'd left Josh for him, pulled away fairly quickly. He told me he wanted to go "find his way" before being with me. I told him, at that time, that if he left me, he'd never have another chance.

Anyway, in the midst of all this crap, I returned home to Hawaii from college for the winter break and went to visit my, at the time, best friend, Jared. Jared was my first love... although, the more I analyze, the more I realize that I've never loved anyone more than I love Yoshi now. Somewhat out of vulnerability, one thing led to another, and we had sex. It lasted all of 5 minutes, he never got to "finish" and I thought to myself the entire time "What in the HELL am I doing??!"

I was honest with Yoshi. And he didn't leave me. He told me he loved me.

Jared, later, was an absolute dick and one day told Yoshi that he was "sorry for having slept with Moch." What does that really mean in guy-talk? "Hey Yoshi, I fucked your chick before you did?" Jared claimed he didn't know that I was with Yoshi or Josh or anyone at the time. Lies. He knew. I told him. And it didn't matter.

So, this thing... my 5 minutes of stupidity... something I've learned to regret for the rest of my life...Yoshi never completely forgave me and most definitely didn't forget.

My heart has never strayed since that day.

That was nearly 4 years ago and I have dedicated every second I possibly could to Yoshi. I've lost countless friends for him. Made endless sacrifices. Only to be thrown away as if it didn't matter for some girl that he barely knows.

Is my love, my life worth so little?

Why isn't my love good enough for him? Enough for him? He told me he wanted to leave so that he could make something of himself... so that he could give me everything I ever wanted.

All I want is him.

All I love is him.

I've lost all of my hopes and dreams in this life. My last one was being with him. And he took that away.

Now all I am is a burden. Something that won't go away.

And I can't make how I feel go away. I pray everyday (yes, I've taken to praying again) for him to return to me for good.

I'm willing to wait a realllllly long time for that day.

I wonder if I'll end up like my grandmother, who even after her first love (my grandfather) left her decades ago, still loves only him. She's alone and he's remarried. She's lonely and he's not. But no one can say she doesn't love him more than anything.

Will I be like that?

Goddess, I'm so pathetic. What's wrong with me that my love isn't good enough to make him happy? Why?

Why...

So now, Yoshi is moving on, or maybe not. I don't know. He's invited me to watch this acrobatic show called "CHI" since that's who I am. But when I asked to confirm, he's hesitating. Maybe he thinks it was a mistake to do that. Who knows? Just him, I guess. I asked him straight out if he's with her, and he didn't answer answer. He just said that spending time with her isn't an obligation the way it is with me.

Obligation.

I told him it was because the relationship is still new.

He told me he still cared. I said that there's a difference between caring and loving. He said he still loved me.

He takes her over to his house all the time, he spends nights with her. Adele and them have welcomed her into their home. "She's nice," they say. But to them, I'm still family, even though I'm not allowed to see them anymore.

I'm glad I work so much, because if I were home often enough like this, I'd kill myself. IT hurts so bad.

Yoshi really died inside when Reyna, his first love, left him. He gave up all his plans for the future when she left him. He's my Reyna, but if I completely gave up, he'd punish me for it by never coming back. He wants me to learn to live without him before I can live with him again, so I push on.

And accomplish nothing.

Wow, I really have nothing.

I am nothing.

/confession

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

ABC's a la Keoni

A-Z about ME

A- Age of first kiss: 14

B- Band you are listening to right now: Staind - Everything Changes

C- 1st Crush: Crush? Uhm, Justin Haruki?

D- Dad's name: Keith

E- Easiest person to talk to: I don't have an answer for this one anymore.

F- Favorite Ice Cream: Vanilla or Green Tea

G- Gummy worms or gummy bears? The "white" Gummi Bear. I think it's supposed to be pineapple flavor.

H- Hometown : Honolulu

I- Instruments: Piano, Percussion, and I want to learn Guitar.

J- Junior high: RL Stevenson Intermediate. I was a bucaneer.

K- Kids: None at the moment. And none planned.

L- Longest car ride ever: Boston to New York City.

M- Mom's name: Banyen

N- Nicknames: Many many. But most recently, Monchan, Chibi, Chi, and Mochi.

P- Phobia[s]: Silence. Failure. Loss. Large Flying Roaches.

Q- Quote: Of the moment? "This is the only kind of love, as I understand it, that there really is." - Alanis Morisette

R- Reason to smile: Friends. My kitten, Kira, chasing her own tail.

S- Song you sang last: "Always" by Atlantic Starr. Duet. Male part sung by Keoni.

T- Time you woke up today: 7:12

U- Unknown fact about me: I don't mean to come across as condescending. I just talk that way.

V- Virgin: Nope.

W- Worst habit: Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good 'til you realize you're fucking yourself.

X- X-rays: Ankles to find out that I STILL have hairline fractures that can't be fixed. Back to find out, too late, that I have scoliosis.

Y- Your favorite person as of right now: Maybe my coworker, Lynelle.

Z-Zodiac sign: Pisces

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Survey a la Rae of Sunshine.

Stole this from Rae's page.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Monchalee
Birthday:February 28, 1982
Birthplace:Honolulu, Hawaii: A now closed Kaiser Hospital
Current Location:Honolulu, Hawaii: Lusitana Street
Eye Color:Brown
Hair Color:Black/Brown?
Height:5'4"
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right Handed
Your Heritage:Thai, Japanese, Okinawan, Swiss, Arab
The Shoes You Wore Today:I just woke up, so I'm barefoot
Your Weakness:Yoshi
Your Fears:Silence, Losing what is important to me, Failure, and Large Flying Cockroaches
Your Perfect Pizza:I like pepperoni/italian sausage... but pineapple is good, too.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Get promoted. Lose 10 lbs. Learn to let go.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:Kira (my kitty) stop nipping my toes...
Your Best Physical Feature:Eyes
Your Bedtime:Lately, around midnight.
Your Most Missed Memory:Yoshi
Pepsi or Coke:Cherry Coke
McDonalds or Burger King:McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:Depends how well I know the person...
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:Cappucino
Do you Smoke:Not in a long time.
Do you Swear:Yes.
Do you Sing:Sometimes.
Do you Shower Daily:Yes.
Have you Been in Love:Yes.
Do you want to go to College:I already did. Although grad school? Maybe.
Do you want to get Married:At first, yes. Now, I don't know.
Do you belive in yourself:Not always.
Do you get Motion Sickness:Only in cars.
Do you think you are Attractive:Not especially.
Are you a Health Freak:No.
Do you get along with your Parents:.... generally?
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yes.
Do you play an Instrument:Yes, several.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yes.
In the past month have you Smoked:No.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Birth control pills count?
In the past month have you gone on a Date:"Date?" No.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yes, many many many times.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:No, but I've been craving them.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Yes.
In the past month have you been on Stage:No.
In the past month have you been Dumped:It was just a little over a month ago....
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No.
Ever been Drunk:No.
Ever been called a Tease:No.
Ever been Beaten up:Yes.
Ever Shoplifted:Yes.
How do you want to Die:Not alone.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Some kind of business owner, I suppose.
What country would you most like to Visit:Tibet?
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Brown.
Favourite Hair Color:Black?
Short or Long Hair:Longer.
Height:In a boy, taller than me. In a girl, it doesn't matter.
Weight:Whatever.
Best Clothing Style:Comfy?
Number of Drugs I have taken:Enough.
Number of CDs I own:Many.
Number of Piercings:Currently, 5: 2 in each ear, 1 in belly. I've had more.
Number of Tattoos:Currently, one.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:One major thing, and lots of minor things.

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Anonymous

"You people always hold onto old identities, old faces and masks, long after they've served their purpose.But you've got to learn to throw things away eventually. "

The above is a comment left by Anonymous in response to my previous post.

I just felt that Anonymous deserved a response.

You people... I don't know what you mean by "you people." People who love and lose? People who are trying to recover from that loss? People who have not yet the ability to release things that were once important to them, immediately to the wind?

You're right... I am one of those people. I am someone who is affected by the past, because the past molds me. It molds me, changes me, makes me think and rethink, makes me who I am. But it doesn't own me. In this case, it consumes me to a point... but not entirely.

*shrugs*

I don't know. I do agree that people need to learn to let go. Myself, included. If you read back, I admit that it is something that I'll probably need to learn to do. Unfortunately, I am not yet so enlightened that I have no attachments to anything transient.

Hence, title: UNENLIGHTENED and subtitle: The Tale of One Searching for Their Own Path (more or less).

以上です。

Oh... and just for kicks. Here's a picture of Kira.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Hiatus

Because of my ever loyal friends and fans, I've decided to write again. I got an email the other day from Yoshikazu, an old student of mine, saying that he's been wondering how I am since I haven't posted in a long time, haven't emailed or mailed anyone, hell, I've half dropped off the face of the earth.

I am on hiatus-- with myself. It's been more than a month since Yoshi's left me. I'm still not over it. I still wear the ring he gave me... but instead of wearing it on my finger, I wear it around my neck. I'm waiting. How naive is that of me? I'm waiting.

Of course, in my deepest heart, I suspect that it may be in vain. But more than anything, despite everything, I still want to be with him. I love him that deeply. And dammit, if it hadn't been because of stupid mistakes that I've made in the past... let me rephrase, because of A stupid mistake, I'm near certain that he would have continued to love me just as deeply as he had started.

At first, I did a lot of crying on the floor. Sobbing until I was dehydrated, my throat hoarse, my box of kleenex nearly depleted. Occasionally, that still happens, but I'm mostly over that. Kira, my new kitty, helps.

A good friend of mine, Sewell, has also been doing his best to keep my mind off of things. He's been taking me out all over the place, treating me to food at restaurants to which I've never been. I feel bad that so much money is being spent on me. More than all the eating, what he's been doing is spending time with me. He's taken me to watch the sunset. He's taken me to sit on the beach at night at do absolutely nothing. He's doing all these things that I had begged, and asked, and dreamed that Yoshi would do. Things that Yoshi did with other people. Things that Yoshi didn't do with me.

I think I'm just complaining. Venting my frustrations because I think everyone is sick of actually listening to me vent. Like, geez, Monchalee, how long is it going to take you to stop pitying yourself?! I can't help it!!!

Le sigh.

Anyway, I was telling some of my friends that Sewell was splurging on me. They are of the mind that he has ulterior motives-- although, he claims it's not so. Frankly, I'm not interested in anything with anyone. My brother-in-law says I should just have meaningless sex to get it out of my system. Rebel or something. I don't want that. I just want to find peace within myself. Find a way to be comfortable being alone.

Being alone.

Alone.

Sigh. That's me.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Moon on the Water

Lyrics to the current music: Sowelu's Moon on the Water

I first heard this song on the anime Beck. In the anime, the song's artist is "Dying Breed." Irrelavent fact. Anyway, it's representative of my mood. Actually, there's lots of more depressing songs that more accurately portrays my state of mind. But-- this one works, too.

Moon on the Water

Full moon sways
Gently in the night of one fine day
On my way
Looking for a moment with my dear

Full moon waves
Slowly on the surface of the lake
You were there
Smiling in my arms for all those years

What a fool
I don’t know ’bout tomorrow
What it’s like to be
Ah...

I was fool
Couldn’t let myself to go
Even though I feel
The end

Old love affair
Floating like a bird resting her wings
You were there
Smiling in my arms for all those years

What a fool
I don’t know ’bout tomorrow
What it’s like to be
Ah...

I was fool
Couldn’t let myself to go
Even though I feel
The end

Full moon sways
Gently in the night of one fine day
You were there
Smiling in my arms for all those years

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Lost

So it's been another aeon since my last post. I know originally, I said I'd post more often. I meant to. But I always hesitate about what I should or shouldn't post. What I can and can't write about.

I hesitate because once things are written, it seems they become so. And the world knows about it. At the same time, I use this blog as a form of release. Sigh.

Anyway, again with the darkness: I'm lost and broken and ... more than anything... ALONE. Those of you who know me well know what this means, as I refuse to put into writing the unthinkable. Yoshi's back at his family's house. He's bought all this new stuff, goes out nearly every night, wears a necklace from that girl who he plays tennis with... and I stay home. I don't go anywhere. Not even to work out. I stay home and cry and break and scream and be listless and do absolutely nothing except for think to myself, "why?"

Why doesn't he want me to wait? Why did this happen? Why, why, why?

And maybe I ask some whens, as well.

But anyway, as part of my trying to recover, I have a new roommate. She's cute. Her name is Kira. And she's just a little over 2 months old. She purrs a lot and causes all kinds of havoc. Her newest deal is to jump up onto the bicycle in the living room, then up onto the kitchen counter. I guess it's because I stand there a lot and stuff my face in hopes that it'll drown out the tears.

I swear, one day I'll day of dehydration via tears.

I need to find some kind of course of action to take my mind off of stuff. I've been playing with Kira and watching all the DVDs my dad let me borrow. I've watched 3 of 7 or so. Been watching more TV. Trying to eat less, but it doesn't work. Getting fat. I guess it doesn't matter... he doesn't want me anyway. There's no reason to try and look good.

Geez, if one of my friends were talking the way I am, I'd probably tell her to quit it. I wouldn't ask her to get over him... I would just say that focusing on it isn't the best course of action. I can't help but focus on it.

How can I not focus on half of my life disappearing... and my not being able to stop it?

Anyway, I have to go get ready for work. Yoshi will be here any moment. We still share the car since it's under both our names. We'll have to change that eventually. He's pushing me to deal with it right away, but I can't afford to. I can barely afford to eat.

Sigh. Bye, all. Until my next post.

Monday, July 18, 2005

broken pieces

everytime i try to glue the pieces of my broken heart together again, someone comes along and rips the pieces from my trembling hands and throws them further from my reach.

by now, there are so many pieces that have become lost... i wonder if trying to make the remaining pieces fit is even worth it.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Lack Luster and Bad Dreams

Hey all. Long time, yet again, since I've posted. Apologies. I've not been doing so hot the last few weeks. And unfortunately, I think I'm on the verge of a mini emotional breakdown.

Ever since the attempted break-in at my place, I've been having trouble sleeping. Let's say that due to outside sources, I'm under the impression that the person will soon try again and will do so when Yoshi isn't here and I'm home alone. Being that Yoshi works overnight almost every night of the week, it's not like the perpetrator is short on opportunity. Because of this imminent threat, I've had a horrendous time trying to sleep lately. I've set up a bell on my front door, I lock all the windows at night, and I sleep with a sharpened wakizashi in my bed with me, along with my cell phone. If I fall asleep at all, the sleep is disturbed by sounds in the night that wake me up with a start and keep me awake until morning.

One of the sounds that has started recently is a rat, which I guess has made a home in our kitchen somewhere, eating through bags of saimin. To me, it sounds like my blinds hitting against the wall... and I wake up with sword in hand.

During the times that I manage to sleep, I've been disturbed by a myriad of bad dreams. Nightmares. I hate them and recently, they're all I have. Screaming children. Death. Blood. Infidelity. Broken hearts. Pain. Suffering. A lot of suffering. Crying. Tears. Violence. Abandonment. Drowning. .. I guess I have problems.

It doesn't help that Yoshi's current schedule keeps us to a mere 2 hours a day of contact... if you can call that contact. And dammit, we live together. I'm envious of his coworkers who see more of him a day than I see all week. And who spend more down time, fun time, alone time with him, than I could even hope for. Who see him smiling and laughing... and not exhausted and too bleh to smile back. But... anyway...

...if you want to know more about my problems, read my newest addition to my expression section. Lack Luster. Apparently, synonymous for me.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Frustrations

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated when other people get what I want but I can't seem to get from the person who should be giving it to me. Does that make sense? Like, going out. Why is it that if I want to go out and do something, then that person doesn't want to. But if that person's coworkers or friends ask to do the same thing, then that person is game. Why is it that when it was my suggestion that we start doing something together, and then we buy the equipment to do it, that it only lasts a month or so. And I keep asking to do it. And it never happens. But that if some other person says, "hey, let's go do that", that person takes the equipment WE BOUGHT so that we could do things TOGETHER and goes with another person to do it! And then WHY doesn't that person understand that that HURTS me. Why does that person get irritated with me when I confront that person about it. a;skjfd arjahrelakejhrgl;kajetgl;kjarel;gkjal;ektg jla;kerjgt l;akerj ;lakejl;akejt l;akej l;akej

If I could RAGE, I would, sometimes. But it wouldn't get me anywhere. And in the end... I suck it up, because all I want is to be happy with what I have. I *am* happy. Just, not all the time. Which is normal. I just let the RAGE stay inside. And the only way it escapes is through TEARS. And that's it. Because that's all I can do. Just be happy. And I am. I just wish that sometimes, I could get what I want in this matter. Ya know? I dunno.

Military

Military. Yoshi joined it. Hawaii Army National Guard. He shaved his head. I hate that. I love him and he's still cute... but I miss his hair. And he'll have that hair for the next 6 years. :( He has training 1 weekend out of every month and 2 weeks a year... PLUS he leaves for BASIC in January 2005 for 2 months and then will consecutively go for 6 - 8 months of specialized computer training. He'll be gone from me for 10 months!

Le sigh.

And I thought I was actually home again!

Break In

Two nights ago, someone tried to break into my house. But this story starts a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago, when I was home alone, I had a weird feeling. Of course, I ignored the feeling... and after a while, the feeling went away. I then realized I had to go pick up Yoshi from work. I opened the door, and walking away from my area of the property was this sketchy man who didn't seem to be coming from any other of the units on the property. He looked back at me, then hopped down the stairs and walked down the street. I 'd seen him before, but thought "eh, whatever, I live in a sheisty neighborhood" and continued on my merry way to see Yoshi. I told Yoshi about the whole deal and he, of course, was fairly apathetic. But when we got back to our place, and Yoshi tried to open the door, the doorknob CAME OFF! WTF!?

Anyway, we were a little bothered and I told the property manager, Paul, who said he'd fix the knob in a day or two. Didn't happen.

Then, comes 2 nights ago. Yoshi was gone, since he was working the overnight shift at Foodland, and I was home alone. I'd knocked out on the couch for a while, then woke up around midnight or so, to shut off the tv and lights and go to the bedroom. All was fine then. Then, at around 1:15 AM, I open my eyes with a start. I hear the DOORKNOB fall off and hit the ground! Because it's one of those ugly fake glass/crystal doorknobs, it makes a very distinct sound when it hits pavement. I then heard fiddling with the doorknob [as the bastard was probably trying to put the knob back ON in a panic] and footsteps padding away from my place. I, of course, was freaking out. I grabbed the nearest weapon, BLACK SHARPENED KATANA and searched for my cell phone. Of course, the average person would have probably called the police, but I didn't want to do that because I felt it would confirm for the intruder that there was a girl inside, who was probably alone. Shit. So I stood in the dark, sword in my hands and cell in my pocket. Stayed up most of the night... my spidey senses picking up on every possible sound. And a few hours later... the footsteps returned and then turned around and left again. During those random hours, I had set up booby traps and alarm systems, and basically confined myself to my bedroom, with my back to the far wall, facing the door, with sword in hand. Yoshi came home several hours later, with a funny feeling, and a surprised look when he saw me in the corner with a sword in my hand.

My doorknob still hasn't been fixed.

Kawaii Kon

A few weeks ago, went to Hawaii's first annual anime convention. Unfortunately, I couldn't go on Day 1, as I was working all day, couldn't make it on Day 2, because I was with family... but I finally decided that it'd be a complete waste not to go on Day 3. Of course, because of the person that I am, I decided that I *had* to go in costume-- and that going in one of my old costumes wouldnt cut it... so I scrounged around and pulled together a bullshit costume for a student from Battle Royale. I developed pictures but haven't had time to scan them as it's been crazy crazy busy at work. The only pic I have is a headshot that I took with my good for nothing webcam. See here:


Anyway, I convinced Kachan that she should come with... and Choochan [ex.gf:Vanessa] was supposed to meet us there. She ended up coming uber late cuz she and her bf:Arvin decided that, despite their having left Ewa side late, that they were hungry, and stopped off on the way over to Ala Moana Hotel, to eat. Anyway, twas ok. Had some decent costumes... but definitely not enough vendors. And the few vendors that were there... make that ONE vendor that was there, was completely ripping people off. The bastards were trying to make anywhere from 3o0~600% PROFIT! Anyway, that was the Kawaii Kon. Wahoo.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Minority Cultures

So, Mount Holyoke College has, until recently, set aside funds for what we call the ALANA students. ALANA = Asian Latina African and Native American. It's a form of affirmative action, but I believe it is more than that. Affirmative action is, as defined by good ole dictionary.com, "A policy or a program that seeks to redress past discrimination through active measures to ensure equal opportunity, as in education and employment."However, while that may get us ALANA students INTO college [as, I, too, have unwittingly benefited from being a student "of color"]-- we don't realize that being branded as an ALANA student sets us apart in the eyes of the college and our peers, and thus makes the road to equality a little hard to follow.

Recently, some ALANA alumnae from Mount Holyoke contacted all "alumna of color" in an attempt to get a feel for whether or not there would be support if they established an ALANA alumnae group. They had us fill out a survey, asking whether we'd be for or against the establishment of such a group. Below is my answer for the why or why not section:

"I do not believe in separating ourselves by the color of our skin. I know that ALANA is a way that people of "minority" races to bond, find common ground, seek support, etc. However, despite my feelings that one should always remember your cultural background, how often do we, as "ALANA" members wish that we weren't distinguished by our ethnicities, but by who we are? Doesn't establishing an ALANA group then automatically set us apart and readily supply a 'group' name for those who would be looking to single us out in the first place? How many of us would rather not be seen as "that Asian/African/Latina/Native American chick", but seen as [insert your name here]?"

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Supporting Same-Sex Marriage

If a parent were trying to dictate whom their child loves by saying that a certain race or kind of people is bad, society would tell them they are still in the past and that they are flawed in their views. Society is trying to dictate who an entire community of people should love. Does anyone else see the hypocrisy in this? And all this spawned from a religion that preaches "love thy neighbor."

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Work: When it Rains, it Pours

Apologies for the long breaks between posts. I always long into blogger, but somehow get pulled away from the computer by some not-so-pressing issue.

So... the big news is... I got a full-time job! About time, I know. I started this past Monday at PacRim Marketing Group [http://www.pacrimmarketing.com] as the Integrated Marketing Services Advertising Assistant. Long name, I know. But it seems that I handle incoming/outgoing ad materials for our publications, deal with publisher communication, advertisers' deadlines and that kind of thing. I also have been doing a LOT of Japanese-->English translations which is REALLY difficult for me. And all my correspondence with the publishers are in Japanese. AND I've been doing some ad material editing.

The sad thing with this is that I had to give up my chance to work with J-wave to do it. I was really upset about it. On the one hand, PacRim offers me steady income [although it's not as much income as I'd like], gives me health insurance and dental and gives me set hours-- not to mention the ability to move up on the ladder if an opening... well, opens. But J-wave would have given me fabulous experience, crazy connections, and possibilities at a career in Japan. EXCEPT that it was a part-time gig, with no health insurance and at the point of hire, DIDN'T KNOW how much they were going to pay me. I did the math, and with the number of hours they were offering, even if they had paid me $20/hour, I would have still barely made $1000/mo. Unfortunately, with all the bills Yoshi and I have, that wouldn't have cut it.

And randomly, I got a phone call yesterday from Dr. Michael Pascuale, who apparently is a plastic surgeon here in Hawaii. He said he saw my resume on CareerBuilder.com [which is odd, since I took my resume down a few days ago] and said that he's interested in meeting with me to offer me a job. I told him I already had one... but he said to meet with him anyway and hear him out. He's apparently going to be part of a few new makeover shows, or something, and since I listed Extreme Makeover in my work history, he thought I'd be perfect. I was kinda... eh... but I'll be meeting him at Starbucks tomorrow afternoon.

Seriously, all these job offers came all at once and they all overlap each other. I keep thinking to myself, where the hell were all these offers these past THREE MONTHS?? Sigh. Anyway, that's the dealio with me now. Any questions?

Friday, April 01, 2005

Zanzabar

I meant to write about this incident last week... but told myself that I'd wait until I wasn't as irritated with the man in question before I wrote this entry. It would seem, however, that it doesn't matter and the man finds ways to irritate me even when he hasn't spoken directly to me in over a week.

This man is none other than the previously mentioned Poopy Head. If you're an avid fan of my blog, you'll remember him as the man that bitched me out for trying to make him a website for KZOO. Well, his "I know all" mentality has outdone itself again, and he managed to completely embarass Kanzaki and myself at what would have been a potentially prosperous meeting.

The idea: Poopy Head pitched an idea to Zanzabar, a higher-end dance club/bar in Waikiki. The idea? To host an Asian night with KZOO providing the 'experienced djs' and the danceable Jpop.

The reason: To get KZOO's name out there.

While this, in and of itself, isn't the worst idea... and in fact, might have been a great idea, it is the following part of the story that showed Poopy Head for the head full of poop that he is.

Poopy Head made an offer to Kanzaki, saying that if he provided the music and djed at Zanzabar, that he'd receive $150/night for his efforts. Multiply this by 4 Friday nights and hey, that's a $600 inflow for the otherwise overworked and underpaid Kanzaki. Now, Kanzaki being the ever-loyal and sharing friend that he is [and perhaps because he was truly hesitant about doing the gig by himself] he invited me to join him in the djing endeavour and offered to split the profits 50/50. Awfully generous chap, him.

Anyway, our concern was this: when Zanzabar asked for djs, did they mean true club djs who could actually mix? Or did they just want someone to push play on the CD deck? Of course, we posed this question to Poopy Head, approximately A THOUSAND [or ten] times, and time and again, without listening to our reasoning, he assured us that he knew the dealio and that we should rest easy since all we would have to do is bring in the tunes and press play. No biggie.

Still hmming and hawing as to whether we wanted to do it, because somehow, we couldn't believe that Zanzabar would pay ANYONE $150 to press play and then stand there to look pretty, we went with Poopy Head, his wife, and Mosquito Yamazaki, another KZOO dj, to Zanzabar for what Poopy Head said would be "training."

Now, when Kanzaki and I heard the word "training," we again were struck with terror at the thought that perhaps Poopy Head was mistaken [as we know, it wouldn't be the first time] and that mixing was more than just an expectation. We walked in and met "Frankie," long-time Zanzabar DJ. Mosquito, Poopy Head and his wife left after a mere 10 minutes of flapping their jaws and left the two of us, unsuspecting victims that we were, to "learn."

Frankie was nice. When he met us, he was cordial and actually excited to be trying something new for the club. But as he continued to question us about our expertise and experience in djing at a club, and as we watched him mix with looks of absolute horror and amazement, he made the comment that we were "scaring" him. He soon realized that we knew absolutely nothing about mixing or djing outside of radio and was at a loss for what to do with the two gawking kids that were left behind to rot behind the turntables. He stopped talking to us. We thanked him and left.

He had made several very good points, though: it takes time to learn to mix, you need equipment to learn, and you need practice, practice, practice. We had 2 weeks from that time to prepare ourselves.

As Kanzaki was driving me home, he called Poopy Head and proceeded to tell him that, beyond a doubt, there was no way in hell we could pull it off unless Poopy Head bought us the mixing equipment and we practiced like crazy. Of course, Poopy thought we were overreacting, insisting that we were just nervous, and that if we needed to practice [which we shouldn't need to do because, according to him, it's "just pushing play"] we could use the recording studio at the station. He would neither listen to reason, nor could he understand the extreme embarrassment we'd experienced, or that "mixing" equipment is NOT the same as an equalizer, a couple of CD decks, and the ability to crossfade. He did not, would not try to comprehend our position. He told us to get back to him about whether we wanted to do it or not.

But, hadn't we just done that? *le sigh* Anyway, as an update to the story, though I don't know all the details... Kanzaki and Poopy Head had a big blow up about the whole thing the other day. Apparently, Poopy Head finally realized that we had no intentions of doing the gig, since we didn't think that we could pull it off successfully. [I mean, hey, NO publicity for the station is better than SHIT publicity, any day, imho.] INSTEAD, he wanted to implement plan B: forcing Kanzaki to provide the tunes and then having the Zanzabar DJs spin them. Kanzaki said no, quite forcefully, and apparently used the words FUCKING and PORKY somewhere in the conversation with Sir Poopy Head. More updates as they become available...

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

More Poetry

Two more poems added to the Expressions section of my page.

I called PacRim, today, to follow up on my interview from two weeks ago. The manager told me to call back today-- I did-- and he informed me that they have three more people to interview and to call back on Monday. Does it seem like they're giving me the runaround? Lol. Anyway, wish me luck with that and with the J-wave meeting tomorrow [oooh, today?]

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Pointless Ramblings

I posted a poem in the [expressions] part of my page. It's old-- don't know how old-- and it's not one of my best poems, but hey. *shrugs*

SO, it seems we're moving into our place a wee bit backward. We started off with necessities. Ya know, BED. Then my sister, because she's in the process of moving into my grandmother's house as part of the "I'm going to tear down my Manoa house and build a MANSION" endeavour, was sweet enough to hook us up with a couch. We already had a coffee table. And we bought a thing to put our tv on and a small desk for my computer.... CONCURRENTLY, my daddy is moving out of his place, into my grandmother's place, so he's also trying to get rid of furniture. We take a table off him-- it became Yoshi's "desk"... but the real kicker: yesterday, he gives us a dresser [yay, I can finally take my clothes out of their former trash-bag homes] and a CARPET! YAAAAAY, carpet! But problem: all the furniture is already IN the living room. Meaning: most move allllll furniture OUT of living room, lay down carpet, and then move it all back IN! -_-;; *is lazy*

In other news, the job search seems never ending. For those of you familiar with Japanese radio, New York based J-wave is opening a Waikiki-based studio and plans to broadcast a new, "Hawaii brand" of J-wave. [http://www.j-wave.co.jp] I am meeting with the CEO of J-wave, Nishikawa-san, on Tuesday afternoon. They have an Assistant Director's position available and they want to give it to a Hawaii local. My issue? Can I speak Japanese well enough to handle the AD position? I suppose we shall see.

And just for fun, some pictures.

A picture of Yoshikazu and me. Taken @ Nova, right before he left for Arizona. He's currently in Phoenix, studying Harley Davidson Mechanics at the Motorcycle Mechanics Institute.



And me in a Shiisaa beanie that Mina gave me a loooong time ago for Omiyage. Shiisaa are Okinawan mythical beasts that are like, lion/dragon? They bring good luck.


Thursday, March 10, 2005

Job Search

The Monchalee job search is currently going no where. I've had many an interview, and always get close but no prize. I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon at a company called PacRim Marketing Group-- amongst other things, they do advertising and media dealing with Japan. I'm hoping to get some kind of entry level advertising assistant position... in my head, if it's full-time with benefits, and it pays more than... say $2000/mo... I'm ok [although, more than $2000/mo would be fabulous considering that they always say never to take a pay cut]. With North Shore, I made about $3000/mo and in Nova, I made $2700. Hopefully, this will work out.

The other day, I had an interview for a KSSK radio sales assistant position. I had to interview with two separate people... this really "all business" kind of guy, Scott, and this really awesome lady, Patti. Patti and I hit it off immediately. We laughed a lot and got along famously. As I mentioned before, Scott seemed 'all business.' Anyway, so, they decided to hire this other girl that interned in their department before... but Patti wrote me an email saying that, even though they had hired the other girl, that she had been really impressed with me and my resume and wanted to try and hook me up with her friends at KIKU Television. On the other hand, the company then called me back and said they wanted to interview me for a RECEPTIONIST position... and I'm like, what the heck? So, I go in, and come to find out that Scott from the other day had suggested to Keith, the man who was interviewing me for the receptionist position, that he call me in for that spot. But KEITH didn't think that I should take the job because he thought I was overly qualified and didn 't belong in that kind of position. [Note to self: What does Scott suggesting I be interviewed for the receptionist position mean? Does it mean he likes me and wants me to have a foot in the door so that I'm there if any better openings become available? Or does it mean that he doesn't think I'm qualified for anything OTHER than a receptionist position????]

The way Keith put it was this: "You, Monchalee, have a straight path to being successful laid out in front of you. Ok, so maybe it's not straight, but you will be successful. But on any path, there are detours. Some detours end up being short cuts to where you want to be, while other detours only manage in getting you lost. Now, I can't say for sure what kind of detour this is... but I can guess that this is probably more of a detour than you want to take... and maybe you will get lost."

Needless to say, I didn't take the receptionist position.

So that's the update with me. Though, I must say I'm all worried. Yoshi was saying that if I don't get a job by the end of this month [or April..?] he's going to join the military. O_O WTF, right!? I think he's really worried about our bills... I mean, I am, too... but you don't up and join the military because we're low on cash, do you?!? Talk about PRESSURE. Well, we'll see, I guess.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Moving

Hello all. A happier post. A shorter post. Yoshi and I are moving into our own place! Granted, we haven't told his familia yet, but who the hell cares. It gives us privacy and quiet and freedom. It's not quite an apartment... it's a cottage. I.e. MINI HOUSE. Bwahahahaha. For those stalkers who read this, the address is as follows:

1423 Lusitana Street #D
Honolulu, Hawaii 96813
Pictures to be posted once we have furniture.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

KZOO Rant

So I do believe that I've been back in Hawaii for almost 2 months. Still no real job, since KZOO is FAR from a real job.

For studio work, KZOO pays me minimum [$6.25/hr], and if I'm LUCKY, I get 4 hours or so every 2 weeks. If you do the math, that's about 25$ every 2 weeks. Granted, it's money and I'm grateful for it, but in this day and age, that doesn't buy much. Hell, that's less than a tank of gas these days. I was hoping, when I first got back, to team up with Kanzaki and co-host an evening Jpop show with him, but that seems to be bellyflopping badly. It seems that KZOO is moving away from Jpop [despite its former "Hawaii's #1 Stop for Jpop" motto. I suppose, since KZOO is one of the only Japanese stations, that the motto may still hold true... but, realistically, maybe not. So... at least, for the time being, that Jpop show is a no go. That blows. KZOO blows. And it's all, imho, due to the incompetency of one that we will label SHIT POOPY HEAD--> [i.e. KZOO-keeper head cheese man]. -_-;;

The man inherited the station from his late father. He runs it along side his wife. He has no experience running a radio station. He's pig-headed. Hard-headed. Proud. Egotistical. Egocentric. Unreliable. Cheap. Frightened of taking chances. Forked-tongued. And running KZOO into radio hell. [Actually, the list continues... but...]

Case in point. The Website Horror Story.

Remember how I said I was also doing the website for KZOO? Well, here's the 411 with that pain in the ass project. Originally, I stupidly had an oral agreement with him that when I produced a satisfactory, professional website for KZOO, he'd hand over $500. [On a sidenote, for the kind of work I've been doing, since I do graphics and all, at the very CHEAPEST, a professional web designer would charge $5000 if they were licensed, and $1500 if they weren't.] I asked him for his ideas about pages, designs, colors, content, etc. Everything he mentioned was conflicting, unprofessional for a company page, and were things that he said other ppl had told him. Ok...so that went no where.

I decided to make 4 layouts as possible templates. I submitted them. Who knows what he thought about the layouts... something about palm trees... but anyway, in the end, I was told to create a site based on a template I'd made of koi [carp]. Ok. So, working with NOTHING that he gave me, doing all content from my head and whatever literature I could find, whatever, I spent forever creating a beta version of the KZOO koi-theme site. Submit. Rejected. Why? "The koi don't really have anything to do with KZOO." Ok... so, I turn the question back on sir Poopy Head: "So, what images represent KZOO?" No straight answer. SO I explain to him that it's up to him, but I reminded him that, as a professional page, what matters most is content and consistency-- not blaring colors and flashing pictures that slow down the page.

Everytime I asked him for input, information, I received nothing but contradiction and a waste of my time. He'd ask me to come in so we could talk about it... and then there'd be no talk. Ok, so then he mentions that perhaps a theme based around the studio board would be ok. I made the beta version of that site [it's actually a REALLLLLLLY nice layout.

Enter: the STUPIDEST POOP HEAD IN THE HISTORY OF EXISTENCE Chapter.

One day, he asks me to come in so that we could solidfy the plans for the page. I was working anyway, and I was to meet him after my shift. Shift ends. He's busy on the computer and doing whatever the hell it is he's doing... he claims its 'stuff for me'... but, whatever. I wait for an HOUR, talking story with his wife. I mention the numbers given to me re: a professional site's fees, but not because I was asking for that much, but rather, because I was trying to confirm whatever he was paying me. I also showed her the new layout that I'd made, using the studio board as a theme. All the people who see it, think it's a sweet design, but that's beside the point.

So, then we show it to Poopy Head. He says how he wants to cut out the right half of the board, and fill it with a collage of Hawaii pictures. While I whole-heartedly disagreed with him, I told him that if HE told me EXACTLY what pictures he wants there, that I'd do it. I reminded him to think of the overall color scheme, saying that, "ME, coming from a PROFESSIONAL and ARTISTIC standpoint, that the color scheme of the page HAS TO match the title bar." He, being the grand poobah that he thinks he is, gets red in the face saying "it doesn't HAVE to... you're just SAYING it does." He said that my idea for the site could be for the corporate PAGE of the site, but that he wants this and this to change everytime you load it, or whatever. I then reminded him of consistency. He threw that out the window. I asked him about content for whatever pages. He gave me nothing again. And THEN, after I'd waited over an hour for us to discuss the page, he finally says "You know what, I don't have time for this. I have to go. We'll discuss it tomorrow." He cancelled the meeting the next day.

Ok. I take a deep breath and walk out. I'm sitting in the car, just about to put the key in the ignition when I get a call from him on my cell. Poopy Head demands "What did you tell my wife?" and he refers to something about numbers... So I warily explain to him that, while I was making conversation, I inquired about my rate and in the process, mentioned professional fees. He blows up, raising his voice at me, saying "Look, I told you before, don't talk to ANYBODY about the page. They don't know nothing. I don't give a SHIT about anybody else or what they think about it! If I want their opinion, I'll ask for it myself! You know, I told you you were getting paid $500 for the site. You know, before you, I was going to have someone else make the site and they were going to host it too, but because you're Kanzaki's friend, I thought I'd give you a chance since he told me you make sites. If you don't want to do this, I can go to them." Anyway, that's the general gist of it....

I nearly blew through the roof. How DARE he? How FUCKING EGOCENTRIC and BULLHEADED can a POOPY HEAD be?!? I sucked it up and told him that if he wants to go with them, then he should and that I can't do anything without his cooperation. And I left it at that. Which is really fucking big of me, since my TRUE reaction was as such:

"Look. You can say what you wish and threaten as you wish, but when it comes down to it, you're getting more than a deal on this site. You're getting professionalism. You're getting artistic ingenuity. You're getting a person who understands a lot of your demographic, as I am a MEMBER of that demographic, who understands that a website is a marketing tool, and that one must cater to the AUDIENCE, not to oneself. You're getting someone who is putting aside her own ideas, against her better judgement, because you cannot see past the tip of your nose. You can't see past the person in the mirror. You cannot see that there are people who care about this station, not because of YOU, but because there was a legacy that was set down by your father and it is for his MEMORY'S sake that they stay with this company. NOT for YOURS. You cannot see that, for this endeavour to be successful, you need to put aside YOURSELF and think of it as a WHOLE. But... it doesn't matter, since, as long as you get your way while still ripping off the talent by paying them not much more than minimum, and as long they're nice enough to put up with your self-indulgent bullshit, you'll never change. Hell, you may never change since the 60% of former employees who quit when you came into power didn't even strike a chord with you. But remember, that when KZOO goes down in flames, it'll also be all about YOU. YOUR incompetence. YOUR egotism. YOUR FAULT. Have a nice day." [click.]

Unfortunately, I don't have the balls to say that when I don't have another job to back me up. Sucks. Perhaps I'll paste it on the website, if I ever finish it. Hell, even if I never finish it, I should make a version of it specifically for that purpose.

That's a good idea, no?

And PS... no, I haven't gotten paid for ANY of the work I've done re: the site. Not even a retainer. Do I expect one if I don't pump out a finished product? No. Because Poopy Head would do anything to save a buck, and that includes defenestrating his soul so that he can maintain his self-appointed image as KZOO God.

Thank you for reading.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Visitor

So the first week of February, I had a visitor. Well, rather, a friend of mine that I'd made in Japan, Yamada Kazuo-san [I've mentioned him a bunch of times before], came down with his company for a vacation and for his friend's wedding. He stayed at the Hyatt, and luckily, we were able to get together for a day. Yoshi and I took he and a few of his friends to Diamond Head. Yoshi and I hadn't really slept the night before, so we weren't looking forward to climbing that thing. Kazuo-san, despite all reassurances that we wouldn't be doing any hiking, later said that we may as well hike up, since we were already there. It was hot and yucky and we weren't dressed for the occasion, but it was neat.

Afterward, we took the trio to Rainbow's for lunch. For those of you who are not familiar with Rainbow's, it's a local drive-in that primarily serves plate lunches. Famous, ya know... but not one of those places they'd list as a "MUST" in any Hawaii travel guides. I don't know whether they were impressed with the food at all. More than anything, they seemed impressed with the AMOUNT of food that could be purchased for a mere $5. A plate lunch consists of 2 scoops of rice, 1 scoop of macaroni salad, and a large portion of the entree... in this case, boneless chicken with brown gravy. The men were convinced that the portion was actually meant for 2 - 3 people to eat and none of them finished the meal. They also gave me an incredulous look when I told them that *I* could have finished the plate, no problems. Heh. That's Hawaii size for you, I guess.

Once we were finished with fooding, we took them up to Tantalus to look out over the city. We figured it'd be neat to see the city from both sides. Nothing too exciting.

To make things even sillier, that night, for dinner, Kazuo insisted that we go to a 'local' place for dinner. Yoshi and I were at a loss. Heck, the only place we ever go 'out' to eat is Zippy's. Zippy's is a 24 hour restaurant that's famous for spaghetti and chili. Really not that special a place. Just one of those places that everyone goes because it's open late... and he wanted to go there because that's where Yoshi and I would eat! Talk about a random experience in Hawaii. He wanted to experience what 'local' people would do, a day-in-the-life... you know? But oh well, twas neat.

Anyway, here are some pictures related to these events.

<---Kazuo-san @ his home in Nonoichi

<--- Diamond Head as seen from Tantalus

<--Yoshi & Me atop Diamond Head

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Looking for work.

So I've been home for more than a month now. A million things have happened, but for whatever reason, I haven't been posting them. I apologize for that. I'll try to post a bunch of times to try and break things down.

Oh, and before I start, I updated the Expressions section of my page. Uploaded a video.

Ok, so re: work, I'm working part time for KZOO Radio 1210 AM. It's the only Japanese radio station in Hawaii. I'm doing website work for the station [don't look at the site, cuz whatever is up is not mine... it's the old page] and I occasionally go in to DJ and do board operations.

I'm looking for work. I've had two interviews: One for Blue Lava Wireless for a game tester position. I got the job, but I've postponed acceptance because they don't offer health insurance. I really need health insurance. The other at KIKU for a Master Controls Tech position. They also don't offer health insurance. That's likely a no go. I recently submitted my resume to LOST... hopefully, they'll take me. More than anything, I'd love for North Shore to get a second season so that I can be done with this search. But we won't find out whether or not they get the green light until the end of this month. Then the production prolly won't start until the end of March! What to do?! If any of you have any leads, please let me know. ^_^

Sunday, January 23, 2005

What is Mount Holyoke College?

Someone asked me the other day about what I thought about Mount Holyoke College. He has a 14-year-old daughter and he graduated from UMass, so I guess MHC seems as good a place as any to look into. People always ask me about it, but it's rare that I give any kind of answer with content. Here is my email to him. I thought it was interesting since, truthfully, I didn't know what I thought of the college until I wrote this email.

If there are MoHos reading this, please comment.
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Are you ready for a book on my thoughts about Mount Holyoke?

Truthfully, I had a rough start there, but I wouldn't have traded in my MHC experience for anything else in the world. Granted, mine was likely the last class to experience a lot of the original Mount Holyoke. In my 4 years there, Joanne "JoJo" Creighton, the college president, has tried time and again to get rid of Mount Holyoke's traditions in order to change its image to keep up with the times.

The students, however, fight back as much as they can and have banded together to preserve what we feel is what makes MHC what it is: the honor code, community, liberalism, M&Cs [milk and cookies], safe space, Dis-Orientation, Big Sister-Little Sister, Elfing, the Laurel Parade, and making leaders of young women-- most of which can be summed up in MHC Tradition. While I was there, I saw the death of one of the original logos, the tennis courts by lower lake, dining halls in every dorm, dining hall announcements [made by banging your utensils on your dishes-- it's amazing what things matter in a school like that], hall boards, quad wars, and the list goes on. I also witnessed the reconstruction of our once perfect campus center and the near death of traditions like Dis-O, M&C's, self-scheduled exams, and Convocation.

At the same time, I was talking to some of the Hawaii firsties-- Hawaii has a really strong MHC community; we have several M&C gatherings a year and often get together just to hang out-- and many of them are LOVING their experience there because they aren't aware of what is missing from that experience.

I guess I didn't talk a lot about the academics, but I guess it's because I don't feel that's what matters most there. Yes, it's one of the toughest schools in the U.S. and it has the highest workload in the nation. And yes, you have every resource available to you in the 5-college consortium... but MHC is about tradition... so that's my two cents.

Hope it helps...?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Excerpts from a Rant

So, I've been meaning to post about this, but I'm truly too lazy to rewrite the story yet again... so what I've done is cut and paste from an email that I sent to a good friend, Ben, who is currently teaching English in some backwater place in Korea. Apparently, coporal punishment, though officially illegal in Korea, has not been banished from his Boy's High School. Heh. Anyway.. on to EXCERPTS FROM A RANT...

The weight thing is not an occasional fret... though I think I try to convince myself that it SHOULD be something that is just occasional. I think I got sick of seeing everyone around me [i.e. in Japan] being less than half my size. I'm a big girl for an Asian. Granted, I'm not JUST Asian... but I look it, and despite my "screw the media image of the perfect woman" ideologies, it doesn't mean that it doesn't or hasn't affected me. Heh, that, and it sucks to go shopping and not find anything in your size. I recently set a goal to lose 10~15lbs by the summer. Granted, what did I do yesterday? Eat McDonald's... but... uhm, the GOAL is there. I just have to... eventually... start working toward it. I must say, though, that I'm anti-calorie-counting. I don't believe in it. Eating healthy is one thing... being obsessive about literally every calorie you put into your body is another.

As far as being home... despite the fact that there are too many people in my house and that I'll be getting overly fat from the nummy foods [oooh, Spam], I'm happy I made the decision to come home. It's great to be back with Yoshi... we missed each other a lot and had taken to arguing a bit, when I was in Japan. That's stopped, though, since we can actually see each other. I've seen only a few of my friends... but that's been happy as well. Now, if I could only find a job, things would be fabulous.

Now, on to the evilness... THe other night, I decided against my gut feelings to go out dancing with some old college friends. We left our bags/purses/wallets in her trunk... and returned to find her car window smashed in and the trunk, empty. I lost about $1000 of cash/stuff... [i.e. new cell phone, specially programmed car keys, all my Yen that I had planned to exchange for dollars the next day, etc etc]... And what frustrated me most was that, because I was the oldest 'victim' on the scene, I felt the pressure to keep my cool, even though Elfie and this girl, Jillian, completely lost it. While I felt for Elfie since it was her car that was broken into, I was the only one who had something stolen who didn't cry or scream or anything. Instead, I hugged the other girls [especially my darling Elf, since I love her dearly] and tried my best to comfort them. What made things even more irking is that I, at least monetarily, had lost the most.

Grrrrrrrrrr....Anyway, it seems I've run into a rash of bad luck recently. *sigh* Which... needless to say, has put me into a funk. Dammit.

So... that's it...Hope you're doing better than I am.

Be well.Love,Chibi

ABC Survey

Age: 22
Bands Listening to Right Now: Nickelback
Career of the Future: Happy person
Dad's Name: Keith Alan Steiger
Ethnic Background: 1/8 Japanese, 1/8 Okinawan, 1/8 Arab, 1/4 Swiss-German, 3/8 Thai
Favorite song of the moment: Shima Uta by The Boom
Great escape: Some where where all the elements are at harmony
Hometown: Manoa, Honolulu, Hawaii
Instrument: Piano? Percussion?
Job Title: Webmaster for KZOO 1210 am
Kids: None.
Last Person You Talked to on the Phone: Daddy
Mom's Name: Banyen Hogan
Number of Siblings: Three
Oldest Sibling: Marisa Sacks, 31.
Phobia[s]/Fear[s]: Silence.
Quote: Jibun no Shiawase negau koto wagamama ja nai deshou? [It isn't selfish to wish for your own happiness, is it?]
Reading Material of the Moment: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
Song You Sang Last: She Will be Loved by Maroon 5
Time you wake up: I woke up at noon today
Unknown Fact About You: I've been arrested before
Vegetable you HATE: There's this weird bitter leaf thing that they sometimes put in sushi or whatever... BLEH
Worse habit: Procrastinating
X-boyfriends/girlfriends in the past five years: Vanessa/Josh
Yummy Food: Thai Food
Zodiac Sign: Pisces/Dog

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Last Day. Traveling Home.

So, I've finally decided to post for the first time since I've been home. I'm splitting up the posts, even though a bunch of things have happened... just for convenience sake. You may wanna settle in for the long haul, here. These are gonna be a bunch of loooooong posts.

Last Day

The last day of Japan was hell. This part will be a bit hodgepodge. Just what I did... in no particular order, since it was so much a blur. I had so many things to do, and most of it didn't get accomplished. I sent what I could home... Struggling with a 50 lbs. box on my little bicycle wasn't an easy thing, let me tell you. I sold a few things... to people, to the 2nd hand shop, who, in the end, gave me only Y2000, since I didn't sell them my bike. I took my left over food, my vacuum, and my fridge over to Linda's place-- with the help of Boss and Hitomi [we went to dinner after that]. I said goodbye to Yuki-rin. I cleaned. Trashed things. Slept for 2 hours. Tried to pack everything in to my suitcases, only to find that they DIDNT FIT. I spent 2.5 hours at UFJ Bank, trying to close my account. My issue was that YahooBB didn't want to send the bill to me here in America and thus was requesting to have me leave open the bank account. However, the bank wouldn't let me do that since I wouldn't be able to access my money unless I was in Japan. It was really just... an unpleasant situation.

Traveling Home

When Saturday rolled around, I wasn't ready to leave yet. The gas company cut off my heating about an hour early, so the hot water in the shower cut out midway through, and it was ice cold outside. When the taxi guy came, he helped me carry all of my crap downstairs... took me to the post office to send some last minute things. The post office people took SOOOOO long to deal with my 2 measley packages that I was nearly late for my bus. I struggled with my bags in the snow and hail-- dropping my bag about 4 times. Not once did anyone offer any help. People just looked at me... Sigh. I left Boss and Hitomi waiting there, that entire time... along with Koji, whom I 'd met only once before then and who had come to give me a going away gift. I had just enough time to say hi, and bye, and I had to get on the bus to leave. It was a loooong trip to Osaka station... where I then struggled with my bags... only to have one of them BREAK in the process. I was then LOST at Osaka station... couldn't find the bus terminal that went to Kansai Airport. I asked several people, and they gave me conflicting information. Thankfully, 3 wonderful Japanese women in their 20s went out of their way... helping me to drag my heavy bags across Osaka on a quest for the Kansai Airport Limo. I didn't even catch their names-- but they redeemed Japan, if ever so slightly. Then, before I knew it, I was at Kansai Airport. Not much to report about that...

BUT on the airplane was a different story. I was fortunate to get a seat in the Emergency Exit Row... next to a cool guy. He was 20, named Endou Masaki, an Osaka native, and a junior at UH in the Travel Industry Management department thing. Always nice to get stuck next to a normal person on the plane. What was strange was, during the flight, a women from somewhere in the back of the plane fainted twice... and I managed to catch her both times. The first time was actually quite difficult, as when I lunged to grab her, I had forgotten to unbuckle my seatbelt [which I'd only buckled in the first place because Masaki made me]. I managed to catch her, despite her falling away from me, and I placed her gently on the floor... then I kicked Masaki and made him run to get a stewardess. She then came to and went to go throw up in the bathroom. An hour or so later... perhaps a little more than that, the woman came back to wait in line in the bathroom. I was listening to music and noticed that she'd started swaying again. I rushed up to catch her as she fell backward, ripping MY HEADPHONES out of the socket, in the process. Now, I need new headphones. Anyway, after saving the woman from bloodying her head TWICE-- the flight attendants were nice enough to give me a big bottle of sparkling wine as a token of thanks. I gave it to Timmy, my stepdad... since I don't drink all that much and Yoshi doesn't drink at all.

Yoshi met me at the airport, when I got home. He was late... I waited for over an hour... but it was good to finally see him again. Happy.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Japan and it's stupid bureaucracies

Have I ever mentioned that Japan is evil? No? Well, it's evil. There. I said it. And because I now have to go mail my YahooBB modem TO YahooBB-- that's all I'm going to say about it while I'm in Japan. This is my last post from Kanazawa. I'd like to say it's been fun... but it hasn't been. Thanks for reading. You'll get my final update in a few days, once I've settled down in America again.

Wish me a safe trip.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

さよなら生徒さん [Goodbye students]

Yesterday, I got together with some of my students for a 'final goodbye' get together. We went to a restaurant called "The Diner"... some semi-oldies American themed place. Including me, there were 7 of us: Yuuichi Kubo [i.e. the One-Armed man, who was recently redubbed 9sama for K + Yuu of his name... so yes, Kyuusama/9sama], Kazuchan [who was a student I had in the VERY LAST lesson of my Nova career-- it was my first time teaching him, and when I made the announcement to the class, he freaked out like NOOO... it's my first AND last time with you!!!], Mari Sakurai [who, when I first met her 4 months ago, had a hangover and couldn't answer my questions], Ryuichi Uneda ["Boss"] and Akiko and Chie [the 3 I went to a secret yakitori-ya with a few months ago]... and me.

[left to right] chie, akiko, kazu-chan, boss, mari-chan, 9sama

it was great. we had dinner. we spoke in random japanese/english bits... mostly japanese. 9sama gave me this beautiful hair clip-- his image of me is the girl with the loooong hair-- it's traditionally made with gold paper, silver paper, and copper paper. I o_O boggled. We then went on to Karaoke where everyone progressively got drunker and sillier... and it was fabulous. The whole time we were there, they were passing around a notebook and pen in which they wrote notes and drew pictures and such. There's one page that I have to scan when I get the chance. It's great.... and then.... the last song they chose as a dedication to me was Shimauta by The Boom. Great song... ALMOST CRIED but didn't. Heh. Anyway, thank you for everything you guys. ^_^ Come visit!




Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Shimensoka and Getting SCREWED OVER

Hello. First I will talk about getting screwed out of a lot of money since it's fresher in my mind than Shimensoka happiness. So, if you recall, I was having problems selling my furniture. So, finally, having no choice, Shin-san from Shimensoka called a 2nd Hand Shop to assess and take it away. They are going to give me... for, let me calculate, over $400 worth of stuff, a measley $30. Fucking bastards. If they weren't so nice about it, I would've spit in their face for the insult. Especially since one of the things they're buying is something I bought FROM them-- for which I bargained them down to $35 from $45... and for which they are giving me $2. Further, they almost didn't take some of the stuff cuz they said it was "TOO OLD" to be sold. Bull. Seriously... *growls in frustration*... the longer I stay, the more I want OUT OF HERE. SO *screams* ok... *grrr*

Anyway, the other night... today is Wednesday, so ... Monday night, I went out with 2 of the Shimensoka guys. Shin-san and Sanada-kun. Twas fun. I got a present. Went to dinner and bowling, their treat. Well, Shin-san's treat. I think he treats everybody-- cuz he paid for Sanada, too... even when we went bowling. The only thing that I saw Sanada pay for was the 3 bottles of tea that we drank while bowling. Anyway... Shin-san was a bit tipsy after a while and started making vulgar jokes about penises or whatever... which is fine, because that's normal anyway. And Sanada had to defend his manhood just by saying "he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's never seen my penis." Quite odd. Then we went to Leisure Land... one of those all-in-one game center/billiards/bowling places. Shin-san, in his first try, won for me this HUGE pooh-san... and when he gave it to me, he said "I love you dakara." Remember that for later, ok? Anyway, so I think Shin-san was trying the whole night to get Sanada and I to hook up... We went bowling. Each of us won one game. And that was basically it. We played some games downstairs.. the drum one. Although, we all wanted to play Pop n Music. Somebody was on it the whole time. -_-;; They dropped me off... I hugged Sanada goodbye and taught him HOW to hug, cuz he was a poopy hugger. Then left.

Today, when those ppl came over to assess my furniture, Shin-san came over to help negotiate. [Didn't help did it?] Anyway, when he was giving me the "goodbye and ganbare" speech, as I call it... he said at one point in Japanese: 「いつも愛してる。チイちゃん本当に大好きだよ。」or " I love you always.. I really like you." Japanese people don't say stuff like that so I o_O boggleded. Like WHAT? and when he hugged me goodbye... the energy was all funky. He gave me this look... and I quickly *looked down, backed away.* Weird. Quite awkward.

Seriously. Anyway... here are a few pics of Sanada and Shin-san. Sanada is the one on the drum game. 2 pics of him. 1 of Shin-san.


Monday, January 03, 2005

From Ka-chan

So... Ka-chan is odd and sent me a picture of the poles. Your guess is as good as ours. I realize this is nothing special about me... except that it WOULD be me to have random pictures of odd Japanese stuff. Perhaps I should have added this to the other section of my site? Anyway...

Saturday, January 01, 2005

A survey for YOU to fill out

There aren't that many of you who read this, but I figure I'll put it up and see who posts. I got it from Nessa's MySpace page and I was curious.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Would you DO ME?
7. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
8. Describe me in one word.
9. What was your first impression?
10. Do you still think that way about me now?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?