Thursday, December 02, 2004

銭湯 and dreams.

Last night I went to a 銭湯 with Takurou. The kanji there is sentou, which equals PUBLIC BATH. We went to a place called しあわせの湯. Shiawase no yu. Means "happy hot water" basically. Twas good. And no, despite what you might be thinking, he didn't invite me to a place where the sexes go in together. The sexes were separate. And you know, I find that I'm still ok with being nekkid in front of a bunch of women [and the occasional little boy]. The only thing that was a little unnerving was the whole fact that I have a tattoo since it clearly states on a sign before I entered that tattoos were not welcome. I've been kicked out of places like that before... but I didn't try to hide it. I figured that since my hair is waist-length now, it hid it ok... except, you know, for when i put my hair up in the towel so that my hair doesn't trail in the water.

Thankfully, I was only approached about it by two curious older women. The convo sort of went like this:

"Oneechan, what is that?"
"What is what?"
"That thing on your back."
"A tattoo."
"What is it of?"
"Sonkei no son [i.e. honor/respect, a lotus, and flames]"
"Did it hurt?"
"No, not at all."
"Are you Japanese?"
"No, I'm from Hawaii."
"Hawaii? But you're not fat."
"Do you know Akebono? He's fat. And his mother? She's fat too. Aren't all people in Hawaii fat?"
"No, but there are many bigger people."
"Oh, I see."

[btw, I'm 60 kg now which puts me at 132 lbs and that's MUCH lighter than I was in Hawaii this past summer!] That's sort of where it stopped. Thankfully. If they had wanted, they could have gone to complain to the staff and had me kicked out. Thank goodness for speaking Japanese and being able to explain myself. I think it's the "I'm from Hawaii" bit that did it. We stayed for about an hour.

Afterward, we went to rent a video. Queen of the Damned, since I hadn't seen it. On the way driving to my place to watch it... Takurou says "This will be my first time watching a video with a girl." And I went o_O. Eh? So I commented that I'd been just watching vids with guys for as long as I can remember [or you know, since middle school or something]. And he's like, "yeah, but that has no meaning... this will be the first time watching a video with a girl and there's just the two of us." And again, I was like o_O;;. So, I said "Yeah, Japanese people and Americans are really different, huh..." Lol. I'm not sure what that really meant. Maybe that it's normal for guys and girls to watch a vid together with no implications. And btw, Queen of the Damned is a shitty movie. My bad for picking that one, but I'd been meaning to watch it since it came out-- you know my obsession with vampires. Well, I guess that's it.

Oh... and I was thinking lately... you know, I have no dreams. Yoshi was talking to me about that lately. What do I want to do with myself? What do I enjoy? I don't know. What do I want to be? I say that I'm trying to find a job in Japanese media, but it seems that I'm just trying to do that because it's a goal... not necessarily cuz that's what I really want to do. I was good at my job when I worked with North Shore... Michelle cried when I left and even the exec producers and the 2nd in charge of FOX [FOX VP] were bothered by the fact that I left... but I wasn't extremely happy there either. I have no real ambitions other than to be happy. But I can't seem to be happy when I'm 1... alone... and 2... not content with my current position. I feel like such a failure. I went to college... went through the motions... and still I have nothing. I don't have a direction I want to go in. Sigh. And Yoshi kept saying "I can't help you cuz I don't even know what you want. What you like. The only thing you can do is start dreaming again." ...You know, I don't know how. If I *knew* how, I would. Ya know? *sigh* I donut. (o) Poo. Any suggestions? If so, lemme know.

1 comment:

Isabo said...

Dearest Mochi, re: dreaming

I too have lost my dreams. Not exactly going through the same things, but we both went to college, we both feel like failures. Unfortunately, besides losing my physical powers, I've also lost quite a bit of mind power. So I have mostly forgotten a whole lot of info I learned in college. However, the way I look at it now, is that I didn't necessarily take knowledge from college, but I DID take the experience. I learned so much about myself and others at college: the way I like to live, what conditions are good for me, who I like to be around, what I need to have to stay sane ^_~

So although these aren't dreams, I did learn something. I think you probably have too, even from just "going through the motions" at college. Hell, I'm sure you learned A LOT from Japan ^_~

Now, a suggestion on dreams: One of my family friends is a business consultant. And I was talking to him, he said many people don't know what they want to do, and many old business people aren't even happy with their job, even though they've been doing it for 40 years (and never were happy). His main point was to go out and try things. He said you can't tell if you like/dislike something without trying. So, you've tried radio, you've lived abroad and are now teaching. That's two things you can cross off your list. Is there anything else that pops into your mind that you would ever like trying? If not, he suggested I pull out a newspaper (um, maybe I could mail you one?), and look in the career/business/ad section, and just brows through the jobs listed there, and then pick something that you would never have even thought of, something you're not sure you want to do, just something different than what you have been doing. You may not like it, but you will be branching out, and learning new ideas, and gain new experiences to broaden your career experiences.

I haven't tried any of this since I'm currently not fit to work, but I will consider it in the future. He said it can be really scary to try new things, but that you can gain a lot from trying something different. Besides, we've done that right? (btw, my mom thinks you and everyone else who went back to Japan to teach were really brave. oh, and she says hi to you ^_^). Even if you can't dream, at least you can try to find something that sparks your interest, maybe you'll find a dream sometime down the road. Anyhoo, don't know if any of that helps, I think I've just been ranting, oops 0:) Cheers to us dreamless people.

I miss you, and take care of yourself. *sends happy thoughts*
Rae (aka Isabo) :)